I'm Hooked on the Feeling of Love and Healing

Thinking about Ororon and Citlali's weird and toxic family dynamic

2025-04-24T16:28:39Z

I'm too brain-dead to work on any of my assignments right now, so instead I'm reformatting some of my thoughts from a convo I had with huafeihua the other day about Ororon and Citlali after they read some of Ororon's character stories. Some context for all of this is that Ororon has kind of a weird character in my brain in that he's not really a blorbo or a character I particularly favor actually, just that his character stories hit pretty close to home for the point I'm at in my life right now. So after playing through Natlan and watching his many interactions with Citlali that seemed like they were supposed to be comedic, instead of laughing I found myself feeling very distinctly gross about the whole thing.

What sparked from that, plus my own original reading of Ororon's character stories was a fic idea (as many such observations of the game do, at least for me) in which it gets brought to his attention by Ifa that the way Citlali absolutely loses her shit every time he does even the slightest thing that she doesn't agree with. Because the two of them hang out and Ifa is absolutely the type of reasonable guy who would see the way that Ororon never sticks up for himself even when Citlali is definitely being unreasonable (rather than slightly more justified fits like when he teamed up with the Fatui) and feel some obligation to say something because Ororon is his friend and he cares about him. More stuff then ensues where Ororon does talk to Citlali and it goes poorly until they both do some soul searching and work something out idk this is only an idea not an outline.

So when I tell this to Hua, I get a "tell me more", so here's me telling it more (rephrased from my texts in that conversation):

Basically, I look at the way Citlali and Ororon interact and see them as having a very toxic family dynamic. The two of them very obviously care for each other, but neither of them are good at communicating in general, and they're especially bad at communicating with each other. On top of that, their entire connection is founded on obligation born from guilt, which does not a healthy relationship make.

To review from the plot (placed under a cut for spoilers just in case):

Citlali's guilt comes from what happened when Ororon was a baby, where he was almost sacrificed so that his soul could be used as a vessel to help lost souls return to the Night Kingdom. Meanwhile, Ororon's guilt stems from the fact that he was told about the fact that his soul could be used to save hundreds of other people but instead of doing that they left him to grow up and live his life instead, so he feels like he owes this debt for his very existence.

So with that in mind, while it can't be denied that the two of them care about each other, it feels like they're tied together only be these negative experiences, and because of that they're also trapped in viewing each other through the lens of those past experiences. That's what causes Citlali to still see Ororon as a child that she needs to protect at all costs as a kind of repentance for how she failed him before, which results in her overbearing behavior where she scolds him like an unruly child whenever he makes even a slightly unwise decision even though he is literally (and canonically) a 20-something year old man.

(Insert Hua's later comment of "grandma he is a grown man. the waitress thinks u have dementia" lmao)

Meanwhile, to Ororon, Citlali is his granny and he has this kind of compulsory deference to everyone he sees as older and wiser than him, because those were the people who were deciding the worth of his life when he was a baby. Then, following that, they kept him at arm's length for his entire life because of their own guilt for that incident. So even though Ororon is fully self-sufficient and living on his own and capable of making his own decisions, he sort of regresses back into the role of a child in front of Citlali because that's what he's been made to believe his place is when interacting with people like her.

These two modes of operation that they both have then go on to compound on their poor communication skills and other flaws and personal struggles (i.e. Citlali's abrasive personality and self-imposed emotional distance from others, and Ororon's difficulties in understanding other people that stem from his heavily-coded neurodivergency), which all comes together in this really nasty stew of problems on both sides. However, I don't really think that either of them are capable of coming to this realization on their own, which is what led me to thinking about an outside perspective bringing it to their attention.

(Ifa was the most likely option to me out of all the connections that the two of them have, because Xilonen and Lumine would probably look at this whole mess and decide it's really none of their business.)

Hua then commented that they could see an intentionality behind the way these characters operate, but then I went on to argue that this interpretation wasn't intentional at all. A lot of my discomfort with Citlali and Ororon's interactions stems from the fact that they seem to mostly be played for comedic relief by the story because of the often overblown animations that are used to accentuate Citlali's outbursts. The cognitive dissonance I felt from that presentation vs. how I was perceiving the interaction made me feel incredibly icky every time I had to see the two of them on screen together.

Ultimately though, I think the whole thing is summed up best by this really smart thing that Hua said, which was that "regardless of whether they mean it as a joke or not, it definitely means something to the art and says smth abt the characters that they don't view it as unhealthy or wrong" (Bolding added by me). The scrap of a fic idea that sparked this whole conversation came from the believable idea that neither Citlali or Ororon would see anything unhealthy about their relationship, because it slots very neatly into the rest of their characterization, especially when looking at their individual social ineptitudes.

As a footnote, I also think that Citlali and Ororon are interesting to examine because of Ororon's neurodivergent coding. I'm not a mental health expert and I don't even relate to most of the neurodivergent-coded traits that Ororon displays, so much of this is speculative. I've put it under a cut here in case you don't want to read about that:

When talking about him, I tend to loosely identify Ororon as being autistic, and he's certainly not the first Genshin character who has autistic-coded traits (See: Shenhe, Al-Haitham, Lynette, Albedo, etc.), but he is the first character who has these traits who also has a fraught relationship with their guardian.

As an example of a healthier dynamic, Shenhe has Xianyun as a mentor/guardian figure, but Xianyun and Shenhe tend to operate in very similar ways, and we very rarely see any sort of conflict between them. In Xianyun's anecdote from last update (5.4 for posterity), Shenhe was scammed by two men selling a fake retreat for people to send their aging parents on, and when she was refused a refund, Shenhe beat up the two men until they promised to pay her. This is Shenhe's usual way of dealing with conflict, because she isn't very accustomed to interacting with people in the mortal world. This doesn't put her in disharmony with Xianyun, however, because Xianyun is also unused to interacting with mortals after spending so many years up in Jueyun Karst, so instead of enforcing a more "normal" social standard, Xianyun was proud of Shenhe for showing her martial skill in standing up for herself and also helping to bring the scammers to justice.

When it comes to Citlali and Ororon, however, the way she treats him reads more as the infantilizing way that some neurodivergent children and young adults are treated when their guardian's way of functioning in the world clashes with the child's. We know from the Archon Quest that Citlali is near-constantly paranoid about how she is perceived by other people, and hides that anxiety behind her abrasive attitude. Ororon, on the other hand is seemingly either oblivious or ambivalent to how he might be perceived by other people and acts very earnestly even when he's actively lying to someone. While this doesn't necessarily factor into their conflicts directly, it's an indicator of how the two might end up approaching a situation differently, and especially with Citlali being the one who is hyper-aware of the people around her at all times, it could possibly be a contributing factor to the way that she still treats Ororon like a child who cannot properly make decisions for himself.

That about sums up my thoughts on these two. It's a very odd experience to have such detailed thoughts about two characters that I don't necessarily care for. Citlali in particular I have a lot of issues with even outside of her relationship with Ororon. But Genshin's writing is just bad enough that there's so much that can be extrapolated from what seem like pretty frivolous character interactions. Bad writing said, of course, with all of the affection in the world.

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2024 XVX Fic Recs!

2024-12-27T03:34:36Z

As I mentioned in my entry the other day, for the past two years I've put together a list of my 10* favorite xiaoven fics that I read over the course of the year. Since part of me expects this website to last until the heat death of the universe (unlike Tumblr, which is an on fire garbage can even at the best of times), I wanted to archive the list here too!

Like with any other rec list, my tastes may not be to your tastes and that's okay, so please make sure you're checking the ratings and tags of any given fic before diving in. Now with that being said, here were my 10** favorite xiaoven fics that I read in 2024!

*Plus a few extra ;)
**Plus a few more extra, cuz I like you guys so much ;))

Lighthouse, by HuaFeiHua (huafeihua)
[Ongoing, Teen, 20.3k, 5/15 chapters]

Fic Summary and Review!

When one of Xiao’s endless battles against the remnants of old gods leads to the slaughter of an innocent child, the guilty adeptus knows he must pay penance for his crimes. However, upon meeting with his Lord, ready and willing to be executed, Rex Lapis refuses to terminate their contract before its due time. Instead, he sends the yaksha to the Land of Dreams, where he is to spend a human lifetime hunting nightmares to atone.

Xiao expects it to be lonesome work, but then: enter Venti, a bard from Mondstadt whose dreams of a castle with a lighthouse by the sea somehow draw Xiao back to him time and time again. And while Xiao means only to spend the century executing his duty, Venti somehow manages to make their time spent together into something almost like a sweet dream.

Now if only Xiao would let him.

HuaFeiHua is our first returning author from last year’s list, but now that they’ve not only emerged from the Anonymous collection but also started posting their love letter to xiaoven, I couldn’t not include it here. If there’s any fic that knows how to do atmosphere, it’s this one. The liminal unreality of dreams is captured immaculately in this fic, and it makes the perfect setting for Venti and Xiao to dance around their emotions and each other like the avoidant disasters that they are. It manages to read exactly like the fairy tales that it was inspired by while also feeling right at home in the centuries that exist before Genshin canon, and for someone like me who loves canon setting fics, that’s more than I could have ever asked for.

Now, I was going to make a joke about nepotism but then Hua told me that the correct term is– *checks smudged writing on my palm* “cronyism”, so actually I give up.

Extra Rec: While Hua has many fantastic fics that you can now find easily in one place after their liberation from the Anonymous collection, I want to specifically shout out the absolute full course meal of a smut fic that they posted for their de-anoning debut. Do mind the Explicit Rating, though.

Catching Air, by Sub_Reality (Twitter: @/sub_reality__)
[Ongoing, Teen, 164k, 13/21 chapters]

Fic Summary and Review!

“Your assignment,” Ningguang said, “Is to assist the Ordo Favonius of Mondstadt in dismantling a newly-surfaced criminal organisation that goes by the name of the ‘Abyssi Familia’.”

Exactly one week into their new positions, the 115th generation of the Liyue Qixing’s secret elite forces are given their first assignment; to take down a major criminal syndicate that is surfacing in their neighbouring nation of Mondstadt.

Consisting of 5 of the most dangerous personnel across databases continent-wide, their assignment will conclude when all five of their targets are arrested, subdued, or dead.

However, of the five is an enigmatic mercenary by the name of Arsenic - holding claim to the highest current kill count, and without a single failed hit. They are notorious for their weaponization of toxins, their mysterious escapes from assassinations, and for their distinguishing feature of not having a single shred of information or data regarding them.

Something which, the Ordo Favonius emphasises, is highly concerning.

With the arcane nature of Arsenic and the Abyssi Familia, one could say the Yakshas have quite the unpredictable mission ahead of them.

If you’ve ever wanted to be blown away by worldbuilding in a fic, this is one to read. With an incredible eye for detail, the author has reconstructed Teyvat in a far-off cyberpunk future that offers just as much fast-paced secret agent action as it does cultural details of the futuristic Mondstadt that the story inhabits. In terms of xiaoven, the burn is slow with this one, but Xiao and his fellow Yakshas (reimagined with their own mortal identities and personalities) have more than managed to carry the story so far. The mystery just hit a big reveal in recent chapters, so if there’s any time to start reading this one, it would be now!

the memory department, by twomooncorner (Tumblr: @/earlgreyhui)
[General Audiences, 3k, One-Shot, Archive-Locked]

Fic Summary and Review!

The site of the memory debris takes a bus ride and a half to get to, past a billboard with flapping holes torn through, an abandoned gas station, and a sign for an old water park standing on only two rusted legs. The mountains reach halfway around, and the lakebed which might have started as a meteorite crater and then filled with water and then went back to being a crater again is shiny and hard. Venti hops off the bus and opens a can of soda with his teeth. Let’s get to work, he says.

I told myself I was only going to include one of the fics from Moonlight Melody, but I just couldn’t resist this one. I love the concept of the afterlife as a deeply dull bureaucracy, so seeing Venti and Xiao working as reapers at the very bottom of the ladder was incredibly interesting. But then that premise was executed with some absolutely stunning prose that stole my breath away. This fic has an alluring quality that draws you in until you’re lost in the moment it encompasses just as deeply as the characters are. I’d linger for thousands of words more if I could.

If Any Lesser, I, by TwoDimensionalTrash (Bluesky: @/novelelitist.bsky.social)
[General Audiences, 3k, One-Shot]

Fic Summary and Review!

‘A mighty paw swipes at him. He twists his upper body to evade and stumbles back. The demon’s leg passes through the spear like it’s nothing. Like he’s nothing. He hates it.

Claws and fists. Teeth and nails. They push and pull, hunter and prey, switching roles on instinct. Andrius puts Xiao on his back foot. Xiao chases Andrius to the edge of cliffs. The laughter of children echoes in Xiao’s head, accompanied by the songs of a bard. Beneath the lowest notes there’s the roar of flames, the flicker of a candle before life burns out, and in the center of it, him.'

In the midst of a nightmare, Xiao is pulled into Venti’s dreams.

The first thing that drew me to this fic was the characterization, which was both intimate and irreverent in a way that felt super refreshing to my thoroughly xiaoven-enchanted brain. Then it follows up with a super interesting discussion of karmic debt and erosion that puts a spin on the game’s portrayals of the phenomena and yet feels right at home in the setting all the same. This was my favorite fic from the Moonlight Melody anthology, and I’m just glad it got crossposted so I can sing its praises in this list!

collateral damage, by connections
[Teen, 1.8k, One-Shot]

Fic Summary and Review!

Another bite. Almonds carry only the smallest hint of bitterness with them that reminds him all the same of who he is, and of what he has done, and of how much it hurts. Another bite. He’s pretty sure he deserves this.

Violence is the only language he has ever known.

This fic is more a Xiao character study with a dash of xiaoven for flavor, but I still wanted to include it as an example of finely-aged xiaoven vintage. Xiao’s desperation to be loved by Venti but also by Morax is palpable, an ever-tragic contrast against the weight of his karmic debts and the blood on his hands. It was a pleasant surprise to see the gentleness that this author gave to Xiao, especially with all the edge that the game characterized him with at the time. That gentleness has been important to me ever since I fell down the xiaoven rabbit hole, so there’s something nice about seeing it in a fic posted before I would have even known his name.

now i see (holding you close), by esperra
[Explicit, 5.8k, One-Shot]

Fic Summary and Review!

“Did that feel good?” Venti asks gently. He cups Xiao’s cheek; Xiao leans into the touch almost on instinct.

“I don’t… I’ve never done this before,” Xiao says. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Whatever feels good, my love. That’s all that matters.”

As I’ve noted a couple times in the past in tag games and the like, xiaoven is actually pretty different from my previous shipping pedigree, and nothing reminds me of that more than the fact that a lot of xiaoven smut just isn’t to my personal tastes. This fic, however, managed to break that streak! If you’re looking for something steamy, this fic probably won’t do it for you, but if you enjoy the way that the relationships between characters can be explored through sexual intimacy, this is definitely one to read. I just think it’s sweet when two characters who love each other have sex that’s very deeply Okay and only love each other more for it.

carry my fears as the heavens set fire, by yanrans (Twitter: @/yanrans)
[Teen, 25.6k, One-Shot]

Fic Summary and Review!

“Dear Yaksha, do you remember me?”

The boy wraps his hands around Xiao’s; even through his gloves, he can feel heat, thick and heady, sink deep into his skin. The fire licks his bones, clawing secrets in the cracks in its surface.

Xiao knows better than to let himself burn, knows that Liyue is worth more than his scorched ashes, but this is a dream. This is a dream, so there are no battles to fight, no duties to follow. The boy can strike a match on Xiao’s skin, and Xiao can watch as all his armor dissolves in smoke.

The boy tugs, and Xiao comes unmoored.
In which Xiao and Venti meet in a series of dreams. Sort of.

There’s something quintessentially xiaoven about this fic that I could taste only a few thousand words in. This fic has it all, from Xiao’s desire to do good battling with his fear of hurting everything he touches, to Venti’s gentle insistence on working his way into Xiao’s good graces with his indomitable charm, all with a splash of corruption angst for a bit of extra spice. If you’re looking for canonverse fics, this definitely deserves to go on your list.

to be unbroken and brave again, by magicites (Bluesky: @/ellsyx.bsky.social)
[Complete, Teen, 36.4k, 3/3 chapters]

Fic Summary and Review!

“What could I possibly have to forgive you for?” Venti asks.

What could Xiao say? There are so many answers. For trying to grant him freedom and only giving him the same power that’s doomed to tear him apart. For hearing that Morax died so long after he did. For starving for his touch so selfishly. For letting him be lonely. There’s so much; they tangle in his throat.

“For making you wait,” he settles on.

“Ehe, I’ll forgive you, but only if you play a duet with me tomorrow.“

He has work to do, but— “Yes.”

-

How the duty-chained Anemo Archon and the Trickster Yaksha found freedom.

When it comes to a prompt as classic as a roleswap, it’s the details that really make a story, and this fic absolutely has it made. As the second returning author from last year, I’ve made it clear that I adore magicites’ work, but the way that she broke down Xiao and Venti’s characters and reconstructed them as a plausible Anemo Archon and Yaksha blew my mind as I was reading this fic. It’s the friction that arises from their roles that makes xiaoven a compelling ship: Venti as the Anemo Archon went out of his way to free not only his people but also himself from the chains of rulership that constrained them before, while Xiao as a Yaksha is bound to Liyue by his contract despite the freedom that he craves. For those roles to then be switched while having the conflicts that bind the characters remain is a truly impressive feat that makes this story totally worth the read.

A Surefire Guide to Wingmanning, by corviidae (Tumblr: @/corviidaees)
[Complete, Teen, 19.1k, 2/2 chapters]

Fic Summary and Review!

Illuminated by the glow of gold-scorched parchment, the harsh lines of Xiao’s face smoothen into confusion, then resignation. He takes a steadying breath. “You aren’t leaving.”

“I’m bound to you until I find you love,” Venti corrects.

“Yeah, so you aren’t leaving.”

“Wrong! I have a hot streak of success.” Venti claps his hands, the contract scrolling back up into non-existence. “Now that you understand, shall we start over? My name’s Venti, and I’m your assigned Cupid. Your wingman, if you will.”

“… Xiao.”
Or: Xiao is, maybe, a little in love with his Cupid. Venti does not catch on.

I first read this fic back in 2021 and had one particular line from it permanently branded into my memory (that you’re gonna have to read it to hear!), so I was delighted to find that it still holds up beautifully. This fic lives up to its “Sitcom” tag, because it managed to pull smiles and laughs out of me left and right as Venti tries (emphasis on tries) to find Xiao the perfect partner. It’s an incredibly sweet, comfy read, and I think that’s what we all need in our lives sometimes.

if these wings could fly, by MaximillianDelirium (Tumblr: @/delirious-dove)
[Complete, Teen, 145.7k, 35/35 chapters]

Fic Summary and Review!

To Xiao, Barbatos was the embodiment of everything he was not: happy, free, fully confident in who he was. His music made the shadows in Xiao’s head retreat. They were all about living life to the fullest, having hope when the world was turned against you, and having fun (something that was almost entirely foreign to Xiao).

And now he was going to have to give away all his albums, delete Barbatos’ songs off his phone, and never listen to his music again. Just looking at the albums lined up on the shelf made Xiao cringe. He’d thought that if he ever did get a chance to meet his idol, it would be in a controlled space. He would have said something normal, like, Your music means a lot to me. Then he would’ve shaken Barbatos’ hand, gotten an autograph, and lived out the rest of his life in peace.

Xiao’s idol had watched him punch a guy in the stomach.
Since Zhongli’s early retirement, Xiao’s life has been aimless. But a chance encounter sets him on a new and uncharted path.

It only took another year, but in the end I managed to complete the trifecta of xiaoven idol aus. This is one of those fics where you can blink and suddenly five chapters have gone by, because it’s just that engrossing. It has all of the drama and intrigue that one would expect from a celebrity au while still maintaining the typical, down-to-earth chemistry that draws Xiao and Venti together. You know a story is good when it has me pulling out the popcorn for miscommunication plotlines instead of closing the tab, and it’s not only xiaoven, but the entirety of the well-loved ensemble cast that come together to make this the enthralling story that it is.

Extra Recs: Not only does this fic have a beautiful epilogue where xiaoven get the happily ever after that they deserve, but there’s also an entire series that features several of the side pairings from this fic’s universe, which are also worth checking out!

That’s a wrap on another year! If you got this far, thank you so much, and I hope I’ve given you some new fics for your to-read list! This year, I feel like I did a lot more reading back compared to the year before. Some of these fics I only read because they were recommended to me by fellow fans, which I appreciate so much, but it could also mean that there are fewer hidden gems this year than the last, so I hope you can forgive me.

Now for the DW exclusive part of these remarks, I pray that I never have to write a web address tag again, good lird. I do feel like this made me marginally better at styling these posts so yay! Self-improvement! Unfortunately, it has also given me opinions on how DW styles blockquotes so nooo! Web styling opinions!!

I’m looking forward to what next year will bring, and hopefully I’ll be back with even more fics to share! Happy holidays to all, and much love <3

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Musings on old bookmarks and the passage of time

2024-12-24T05:29:07Z

I'm currently working on my end of year xiaoven fic rec list (that I'll probably post here too if only for archival purposes for when tumblr inevitably kicks the bucket), which I started last year in order to get some actual use out of the spreadsheet I use to meticulously track every fic that I read. Before anyone asks, I am simply a freak who loves cataloging and so I do it for fun. I was aiming to have 10 fics for the list, but only ended up with 9 that I read within the year that I felt was list-worthy, and then I chopped one for various reasons and was down to 8. To make up the difference, I decided to delve into some of my older bookmarks, and the experience has me feeling reflective about my fandom experience.

I think that by now, Genshin Impact has been my longest stay in any one fandom. My time with Bungou Stray Dogs also spanned a few years, but considering that I passed my 4 year anniversary of playing Genshin this month, I'm inclined to say that it's eclipsed it by now. But Genshin has also been a different kind of experience for me for the simple fact that I've actually engaged with fandom as a Genshin fan more than I ever did in the past.

My fandom experience followed the same pattern before Genshin: I would get interested in a thing, go onto the internet (Google Images, then DeviantArt, then Tumblr) to look at art of the thing I liked, and then in one way or another get pulled into a small cluster of people that would make up my entire fandom group, and then eventually things would shift and I'd end up somewhere else. This was probably aided by the fact that a lot of my earlier fandom experience was spent doing RP, but because this was when forums were on their way out, it was easier to end up in smaller groups than bigger ones.

Genshin was my main fandom at the time that the last group I was in splintered (which actually alienated me from the fandom that I would have considered my main one before that, Persona 5), and I just ended up floating around with my last close friend from that old group and we never really found a new one. It was the combination of that, and I think the fact that Genshin fans (or at least xiaoven fans) comment on fics so much more than fans of the other fandoms that I had written for in the past, that something just clicked and suddenly I was actually engaging with fandom more than I ever had before. It would intensify when I met Hua and they encouraged me to come out of my shell even more, but I'm tracking this by the fact that I was reading fanfiction more voraciously than I ever had in the past.

Let me put it in perspective. Prior to the first Genshin fic I bookmarked, I had 20 bookmarks on AO3. My first bookmark was from February 2017, my last pre-Genshin bookmark was December 2020. Almost 4 years and 7 fandoms worth of interest and/or reading. Now it's December 2024, so almost 4 years. I currently have 104 bookmarks on AO3 and 70 of them for Genshin Impact. Increased that number by 400%, and like 85% of them were for this one fandom, give or take. That's fucking Bonkers, dude. The brainrot hit me hard. And mind you, 30 of those 70 fics are just xiaoven too, that's almost half. I remain down abysmal for two (2) windy old men.

So now I'm going back to reading these fics that I read in 2021 to see if they still hold up and realizing that for the first time in my entire fandom career that I actually had a sense of how the Genshin fandom around me, especially in terms of xiaoven, had changed with time. Despite the fact that I have my name on 9 Bungou Stray Dogs fics, I couldn't tell you jack nor squat about how the wider fandom portrayals of soukoku changed over the two or three years that I was in that fandom because I wrote far more than I ever read, and my perception of people's tastes was pretty limited to my RP group. Meanwhile I'm rereading xiaoven fics and realizing that it tastes vastly different from what I prefer now, but I can identify very clearly why it was so popular at the time.

The first fic I read was I Would Die for Xiao from the Wanmin Test Kitchen, a fic that I never actually bookmarked and didn't even remember that much about aside from the premise, but thought back on fondly. The only reason I didn't forget about it entirely is that it's on the front page of the xiaoven tag when sorting by hits, kudos, and bookmarks, and it was curiosity about what this fic's deal was that made me think back on it fondly and also kept it so popular. What I ended up finding is that Wanmin Test Kitchen is very much a period piece for early 2021 xiaoven in terms of its characterization and that's so deeply fascinating to me.

I enjoyed rereading the fic a lot, but my thoughts on it are pretty critical, so if you like this fic and/or don't want to hear negativity about it, feel free to skip this part.

Ultimately, I decided that even though I enjoyed the reread, Wanmin Test Kitchen wasn't something that I could earnestly put on a reclist because personally, I just don't really feel like it accurately reflects xiaoven's characters nor their dynamic. What it's trying to do, which is portray a xiaoven dynamic that's reflective of its name, where Xiao takes the lead in the relationship, is actually done really well. I find the Xiao and Venti of this fic incredibly endearing. However, they're hindered by characterization that popped up in quite a few fics from around that time of late-2020, early-2021.

Hua likes to say that xiaoven of that time is victim of "Any Two Guys" syndrome, which is to say that people at the time took the barest impressions of xiaoven's characters and bent them in whatever ways they needed to in order to justify them smooching. This is talking about the times from before the Yakshas trailer, before we knew Xiao and Venti had any past relation to speak of. It was a crackship, because they were both short twinky guys with Anemo Visions so of course people thought it would be fun if they smooched. Thanks to that, it was fanon that ended up influencing a lot of xiaoven work at the time rather than canon, hence why I can totally understand how Wanmin Test Kitchen caught on and why I enjoyed a lot myself, at the time.

This isn't to say that all of the fics from before we got more info from Xiao's release were bad, there's actually a fic that's going to be on my list that was published even earlier than Wanmin Test Kitchen that I think nailed their dynamic. At the same time though, characterizations where Venti was a mildly obnoxious scatterbrain with the emotional aptitude of an apple pie while Xiao was the emotionally competent one who found Venti deeply annoying, but in a fond way were rampant at the time. It makes for a really cute dynamic that was super enjoyable to read about in this particular fic, but it's also just. not xiaoven. Not to me.

My second foray was with a fic called A Surefire Guide to Wingmanning, which I did actually have some clearer memories of, mostly because a line of this fic and therefore the moment that I read it permanently branded itself onto my brain for the rest of time. To my great relief, this fic did in fact hold up over time and is still absolutely a worthwhile read, but it was also interesting to read because it was still very much a XiaoVen Modern AU From 2021. Like. All love, guys. The use of the word "simp" in these fics was brash. Despite that bit of cringiness though, it's deeply endearing that I can feel the vibe of 2021 in my teeth when I'm reading these. It's different from my usual fare these days, and sometimes that's good, and sometimes it's not, but it's interesting on a historical level nonetheless (that makes me sound self-important, but I don't think I have a better word lol).

I do feel a little goofy for being so awed by the fact that I can track the tastes of my own fandom through my own bookmarks, because Genshin is a young fandom and I'm a young fan in the grand scheme of things, but I think I'm just sentimental because by some cosmic coincidence I reread A Surefire Guide to Wingmanning three years to the day after I bookmarked it (December 23rd). I'm certain that I have a lot of fandom years in me yet, so this will probably happen again, but for now I'm going to let myself be a bit starry-eyed about the passage of time instead of being scared by it like usual.

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32 Genshin Questions!

2024-12-15T00:25:41Z

Hi, it's been a while! I had dw open for like a month straight because I really wanted to post this mini-essay about thoughts I was having on SVSSS after reading a particular fic, but then I got busy and my motivation petered out and the tab just sat there for a while. I might still post that one day but I have bigger fish to fry right now. Instead of frying them though, I'm going to answer these 32 Genshin questions a bunch of people have been doing because it seems fun, and also as a kind of Genshin introduction!

Answers below the cut!

1. Who is your main?

If I have an empty spot on the team, I'm probably going to fill it with Venti, but for doing big damage I go for Wanderer or Navia.

2. Your AR and World Level?

AR 60 and WL... 9? Are we on 9 now? I think we're on 9 now.

3. When did you start playing Genshin?

December 6th, 2020, so I just passed my 4 year anniversary!

4. How did you come across Genshin?

A friend of mine had started playing it and sharing screenshots, and she told me not only that she thought I would like it, but that it was free on PS4 (my computer was too bricked for games at the time, so I was mainly console gaming).

5. Your first 4 Star Character?

Aside from the free Noelle, Chongyun!

6. Your first 5 Star Character?

Venti my beloved, whom I saved for months for <3

7. Your first 5 Star Weapon?

Wolf's Gravestone (for a Diluc I then took over 2 years to get -__-)

8. Story behind your display name?

I'm KanoNavi on every platform and Navi is my nickname. (Though a funny story is that I ended up picking Lumine over Aether because I thought my display name was too femme and then uh. glances at my pronouns. Let's just say Caelus is rocking "Navi" over in hsr)

9. Your favorite ship(s) are?

xiaoven remains my utmost beloved, but I some of my other faves are xingyun, chiscara, kavetham, and albether (among many many others)

10. Most favorite character?

Venti <3 (though Wanderer is my close second because of the irreparable impact he has had on my psyche)

11. Least favorite character?

Probably Dori, mostly because I find her moneygrubbing shtick deeply unpleasant, especially within a cast of characters who are very kind, and if not they at least mean well. The orientalist design choices that they made with her definitely don't help her case though.

12. Favorite domain?

City of Gold, because I got very lucky while farming Wanderer's artifacts! (Kaveh has not been so lucky, however)

13. Show me your profile signature!

It's currently "Okay we're good now lol" because after 5.0 I complained that there were 12 slots but only 11 anemo characters for me to display, but then I got Chasca so all the slots are full (and sorry to either Sayu or Sucrose who are getting kicked out after I get Lan Yan)

14. Favorite memories of Genshin?

My myriad gacha misfortunes do make for good stories, but I think my best memory was meeting my now good friend huafeihua over a random co-op match. They saw my name, Venti icon, and Xiao banner and somehow connected me to my xiaoven fics, which they'd read. So they dragged their friend that they were hopping around random worlds with to say hi to me, and I ended up recognizing them back from my tumblr notes. It's a small miracle that we managed to connect like that, but I'm grateful for it every day.

15. Who was your first C6 character?

On god I don't remember, but it was probably a 4 star that I don't use lol

16. How many character namecards have you gotten and which one is your favorite?

67, which is everyone I have besides Chasca, Ororon, and the Traveler.

17. Your current party composition?

Chasca/Ororon/Navia/Zhongli for friendship, because Navia decimates everything in her path and everyone else can just sit there and look cute.

18. Highest single shot damage?

According to the achievement, it's 416,951, but I have no earthly idea when I got that number or who did it.

19. Your strongest character?

Even though Navia can hit huge crits, Wanderer is a lot more consistent than her, so he wins.

20. Favorite region?

Even though it's neglected by Hoyo, Mondstadt will always be my favorite. The early areas of the game are deeply nostalgic for me, and going back to Mond in particular always feels like coming home. Liyue is a close second tho.

21. Favorite element?

Do I even have to say it? C'mon. (anemo)

22. Who are you pulling next?

I had Venti and Xiao's rerun cycles locked down for TWO YEARS and then they decided to CHANGE EVERYTHING so now I'm just sitting here kicking my feet waiting to pull their C4s after picking up Ei and Chasca in the interim.

23. Most hated enemy/boss?

If they've appeared on Floor 12 of Spiral Abyss, you can assume that I've had my complaints in one way or another. My most recent beloathed though is the Setekh Wenut, because they had the NERVE to put it in Imaginarium Theatre during an ANEMO SEASON because they're RUDE and they HATE ME PERSONALLY and also the thing spends half its time underground so it sucks to fight during timed challenges ANYWAY, so the only reason I got 10 stars was because of my roommate's C6 Furina and I'm Not Mad About It At All.

24. Who are your crowned characters?

In the interest of us not being here all day, my three triple crowned characters are Venti, Xiao, and Wanderer.
(Single crowns: Zhongli, Xianyun, Kazuha, Jean, Qiqi, Yae Miko, Keqing, Nahida, Tighnari, Neuvillette, Ayato, Mona, Childe, Yoimiya, Hu Tao, Diluc, Yun Jin, Faruzan, Heizou, Rosaria, Chongyun, Kaeya, Fischl, Kaveh, Xingqiu, Gaaming, Bennett, Xiangling)

25. Which character do you relate to and why?

I was talking about this to a friend a few days ago, funny enough. In playing the Iktomi Spirit Scrolls event it started to click that I actually relate to Ororon quite a bit, because his vibe to me is that he's a neurodivergent young adult trying to find his way in the world and make his own choices outside of the influence of his overbearing parental/granny figure, and yeah some of those decisions are terrible and stupid, but he's still trying and uh. yeah that kinda hit.

26. Favorite character story quest?

Cyno II made me write an entire one-shot and like 20 real journal pages of a different one-shot about it before the brainworms petered out, so I think that one wins. The lore was just so tasty.

27. Favorite character from each weapon type?

Sword - Xingqiu
Claymore - Chongyun
Polearm - Xiao
Bow - Venti
Catalyst - Wanderer
(oh hey my top 5 faves, that was easy lol)

28. What is your favorite picture you took in Genshin?

I don't remember if I took this for an event or just because it was pretty, but this was my Twitter banner for as long as I had that and it's my Bluesky banner now! I love this idle of Xiao's because it's very yearnful, very xiaoven, and this view was just gorgeous (can't wait to get a pc one day so I can go back to playing with my graphics this high)

29. What is your luckiest roll?

My pulls tend to involve more tribulation than success, but I did pull Childe on my 18th birthday at like 20 pity with no guaranteed. It was before my beginner's luck ran out lmao

30. Where is your favorite place in Genshin and why?

Wangshu Inn, because xiaoven associations, but also I love the music there and it's generally a really pretty location.

31. Character you want as a sibling?

My thoughts jumped to one of the Lyn Twins, just because they seem like they'd be ride or die even without all of their horrible trauma. But then the twins are a set, do not separate, and Freminet would be sad if he was left behind, so I guess I'll take all three (ideally in better life circumstances though lol)

32. Character you want as a BFF?

Yoimiya, no contest.

Here are the questions, if anyone else wants to do this!:

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It's been a long summer...

2024-08-11T21:47:10Z

(Forewarning that this is a bit vent-y (or should I say 'vent-i', hah.), I tried not to get too dour but it has been a time. I'll put a bolded line when things lighten up in case you want to read about what I've read this summer.)

At some point I realized that posting on here has become a bit like how it is to write in my diary, since when I'm doing terribly I just won't be compelled to write in it, even though that's theoretically the purpose of journaling. Anyway, I'm moving back to school in a little over a week and it could not come fast enough.

I made a post the night I got home from school in June, and even though I just rambled on about some random thoughts, I had so much wind in my sails, but by mid-July at most that wind was just gone, to a degree that even I was shocked. This summer was supposed to be about getting my foundations as an Adult(tm) set up, since I turned 21 back in April. I had documents to renew, appointments to make and people to talk to, but I never could have expected how much that was going to take out of me. It's been a lot to organize and sort out, especially when I'm walking the line between wanting to be more independent but still needing to rely on my parents for a lot of things that's been causing a lot of friction between them and me.

Now it's August and I feel like I haven't been able to get done half the stuff that I initially wanted to, and especially not the stuff that's most important. It's immensely frustrating, but there's also no one I can really point to and blame other than myself. Some of my friends like to say that "I don't have that dog in me" when it comes to certain situations, but what I've been feeling is that I used to have the dog in me, but now after two decades the dog is old and tired and can't dog the way it used to. I guess that's just what undiagnosed neurodivergency will do to a person, but I think there's something uniquely excruciating about it to have been brought up in an online space where you watch that happen to so many people and think "That won't happen to me though," until suddenly it does. Such is the way of hubris, I suppose lol

The whole being trans thing isn't really helping either. I still haven't told anyone in my family, purely because I just don't feel like I have a very strong direction for myself yet, but god if it hasn't done me some psychic damage over the past three months with the way that I get treated. It's difficult to deal with because no harm is meant by it, but there's still harm being done, and I can't eliminate that harm because I don't feel like I can tell the truth. It's a vicious cycle that I think I'll just have to keep running from for a while longer until I find my footing. For this coming year though, I think I'm going to ask my closest friends to start calling me by a new name, if only so that I can take the first step towards confronting this part of myself instead of continuing to ignore it for my own peace of mind. Because if there's anything these past two years have taught me, it's that whatever peace of mind I'm gaining now, it's painfully temporary.

I think the most frightening thing of all, though, is the way that even my interest in fandom kind of seemed to lose its luster a bit the more time went on. I fell into a bit of a fic-reading slump in July, and that made it so much harder to keep myself entertained when I didn't have the motivation to pick up a book or a game. I felt like my interest in the stories and characters I love so much kind of fell into stagnation, and I'll admit that I'm a person who thinks about stories and blorbos to cope. So if no blorbos, then how cope?? I'm on my way to climbing out of that by now, but I would honestly say that little blip in my interest in things was just as awful as everything else.

Thankfully though, the whole thing hasn't been a wash,

Like I said in my post back in June, I did actually manage to post something this summer (yay!). I'm frustrated that I wasn't able to get anything else off my plate, but I'm taking the small victories as they come. My expectations are still low for the fall on account of my capstone, but I don't intend to stop creating. Or at least, trying to lol

Speaking of my capstone, I've spent the latter half of the summer rereading TGCF so that I can write a literary analysis about one of the scenes (I haven't quite decided which out of the few I have in mind, but the opening of Mount Tonglu is coming up soon in my reread *eyes emoji*). It's been an interesting experience to go through something that I loved in such a self-indulgent way to stick tabs in it and think about it in a scholarly way, but it's a project I'm really looking forward to, even if it might eat me alive. It's a story that I just can't help but admire (if my incessant yapping in certain friend's dms while reading is any indication lmao) so I'm looking forward to really getting into the weeds with it.

My two other reading projects for the summer have been (and don't laugh at the contrast) Crime and Punishment and The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System. The former, I've owned since I was probably 16 years old and I wanted to read it on account of a now dearly beloathed former fandom of mine, but now just because I think it's interesting to read translated classics. I did still enjoy The Stranger when I read it in junior year of high school (even if my team lost the mock trial -3-). Crime and Punishment is... a bit less comprehensible, I would say? I do have fun with it (especially when Razumihin or Dounia are on the page) but I definitely don't feel like I've picked up on all the philosophy the book has tried to throw down. Such is the consequence of rawdogging the classics, I would say.

As for the latter... I've enjoyed it so much more than I ever thought I would. My friends did a good job of keeping my expectations for it Low so that when I did actually read it, I was so pleasantly surprised. I'm only halfway done, since I set it aside to read TGCF, but SVSSS lives its premise with such shameless abandon that I just couldn't help but get sucked in to the story. I feel like this might be at least a warm take, but I actually have preferred SVSSS over MDZS so far, which I wasn't expecting. It's been a bit hard to articulate why, but it's like there are a lot of individual parts about MDZS that I really enjoy but they don't really come together into a whole that I enjoy as much as I do the whole of SVSSS. Of course, I still love all three of MXTX's series, but I just wasn't expecting her oldest (and arguably trashiest (said affectionately, of course)) work to find itself in second place in my heart.

Aside from reading, the highlights of my summer have always involved the moments that I've gotten to spend with my real-life friends, who are thankfully still close enough by that I've been able to visit them quite a few times over the summer. They always manage to give me a pick-me-up when I need it, and it was actually the fact that I was lucky enough to spend the entirety of the last week with them that has kind of managed to jump-start my brain back into normalcy. None of them will see this, since they don't use this site, but I'm still really grateful to them anyway.

In any case, this has been quite the experiment into posting serious real-life lamentations on the internet, I don't know if I'll ever do it again, but I wanted to at least bookend this summer, since... now that I'm thinking about it, this will be my last ever true summer vacation for the forseeable future, unless I decide to go for a master's degree. Huh...

Instead of unpacking that thought, let me leave you with some non-Genshin fic recs from this summer (and a bit earlier because I'm a cheater), just for fun!:

- Faith for the second run, by senblades (Persona 5, Gen + Akechi/Joker, T-rated, 391k, Incomplete) - This fic single-handedly repaired my bittersweet relationship with Persona 5 and also irreparably altered my brain chemistry about Akechi, Sumire, and Haru.
- all the king's horses, by DFP (Honkai: Star Rail, Boothill/Argenti, M-rated, 8k, Complete) - A heartwrenching character study about a ship I started liking as a bit, but if there's anyone who can make me like something unironically, it's DFP <3
- How to Lose 800 Years of Cultivation, by Princeliest (TGCF, Feng Xin/Mu Qing, E-Rated, 24.6k, Complete) - I. Have reread this more than I would like to admit. I was already kinda obsessed with Mu Qing after reading the books, but Princeliest's fics made it irreparable.

Here's to a better fall, and to getting things back on track!

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June 2024 Project(s) Status

2024-06-19T17:43:17Z

It's been a bit since I did one of these, mostly because I hadn't gotten anything done since March that wasn't for school, but now I've actually done some things, so I'd say it's time for an update!

Recently Posted

Evening Talks About Heroes (Posted 5/23/2024)

The second act of Cyno's story quest gave me immense brainrot, since I adore the Sumeru cast and their chemistry, and this quest heavily featured pretty much every character in Cyno's immediate circle of friends. It was an absolute delight to play, and combined with the lore that was explored in it, my brain was swirling with ideas for like two weeks afterwards.
(Quest Spoilers) This particular fic is a conversation between Tighnari and Lumine that takes place at the end of the quest when the focus shifts away from the traveler's point of view. Tighnari was a major player in this entire quest and learns not only more about Cyno's past but also about his own ancestors and how their purpose was tied with the Temple of Silence, but he wasn't really given a very long moment to reflect on that in the same way that Cyno does. Which is fair, it wasn't his quest, but I still wanted to explore some of the thoughts he could have been having.
This fic was mostly an exercise in writing Tighnari, and I had a lot of fun with it in that capacity. I've written Tighnari a bit in the past but I feel like this fic is where I've nailed him down the best. He has a different vibe from a lot of the other blorbos that I love, where he's very self-assured and not held back by a ton of guilt or some other hangup, which made him a very fun voice to write. I also had fun describing Lumine and trying to give her an otherworldly air about her that I think observant characters like Tighnari wouldn't be able to help but notice.

A Mora for the Bard, Held Between Your Lips (Posted 6/18/2024)

The long-awaited poetry gala fic is finally done!!! After getting home from college, I finally scrapped up the energy to get the poem done, which then left minimal edits to make before it was ready to be posted!
Funny story about the poem, one sonnet actually turned into two by accident because when I was writing the initial one I underestimated how much information one could cram into fourteen ten-syllable lines, so I had to write a second one. Overall, I would say that it was a good experience, really pushing myself into uncomfortable territory as a creative, but it definitely got frustrating at times. I never would have expected the final couplet to be the hardest part of a sonnet, but after having the space to spread out your rhymes a little bit, it's a little jarring to suddenly have two lines. But I did it, two complete English sonnets and the first four lines of another for 32 lines of poetry total. Kind of insane, especially when sticking to a proper form, but I'm proud of how it turned out!
It's been a long time since I properly posted any xiaoven, and it's nice to finally return to them, even though the fandom around them has quieted down quite a bit. They're still my most-adored blorbos, and writing stories about them sparks such joy, so I'm happy to finally have something else that's complete for them and that I can be proud to show people.
Also, I have to acknowledge that it was Venti's birthday that gave me the boost I needed to start that second sonnet, and at first I was disappointed that I wasn't able to finish and post it for his birthday, but the poem and the fic still exists in his honor!

Works in Progress

Chapter 7 of Talk the Stars (See previous entry for link, I'm lazy)

For this, and all the other projects listed below, progress has basically been zilch, as A Mora for the Bard was my primary project for the first half of this year.
Talk the Stars chapter 7 is the next project on my plate, since it's been over a year since the last update and I am frankly embarrassed, even though I know the wait doesn't actually matter. There's a significant amount of this chapter already done, so I just hope I'll be able to pick up the pieces and keep going.

Edits to Chapters 1 and 3 of Talk the Stars

This will be my second priority, since chapter 8 will be passed off to Miki, so I'll theoretically have time to work on it. We'll probably be having a talk about this fic's future due to how long it's been, but no matter what I still want these edits to be done.

TGCF Meta Analysis Essay

I want to reread TGCF and mark some places to reference. Basically, I want this whole thing to be a lot more organized than it's been up to this point, especially for Xie Lian's segment because there's just So Much to go through. I do have a lot of reading on my plate though, so I don't know if I'll get to it very soon or not. I might end up reading SVSSS first, just because I wanted to get it done before I dove back into TGCF for another month.

Neocities Website

This project is on hold for the forseeable future because I'm very bad at pushing through when learning new skills with minimal direction, and I kinda scared myself out of working on it. If I don't get back to it by the time I make my next project status, I'll probably take it off the list.

I'm really happy that the summer creative boom has finally started and that I'll be able to say I got at least one of my ongoing projects done! I expect to slow way down in the fall, since I have to work on my senior capstone that semester, so I highly doubt I'll be getting anything done in terms of personal projects. In fact, I might embargo it altogether for my own sake. Still, there are two months of summer left, and even though I'll still be busy, I'm gonna try my best to post at least one more time before I go back to school!

Extra Ideas for the Future:

E-Rated VenXiao one-shot
Multi-chapter fic about Scaramouche/Wanderer being raised as Inazuma's prince instead of being abandoned by Ei
Multi-chapter fic exploring the relationships between Diluc, Jean, and Eula and their upbringings in Mond's noble families
JeanLisa one-shot about Lisa stopping Jean from overworking, except make it cool and interesting because I'm the one writing it ;) (jkjk.... unless?)

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Home at last...

2024-05-12T02:19:57Z

I moved back home from college today, officially marking the end of my third year of college (yahoo!). It wasn't my best packing job, but I'm also just chronically bad at packing (it's the probable adhd, I have to go in circles and pack different things or else I just don't do it) so it was kind of my L for losing my computer cable for a bit because it got shoved in my laundry bag. Summertime is when I sacrifice as much of my bedroom floor space as is humanly feasible because this is just the consequence of trying to fit an entire apartment's worth of Stuff into a single mortal bedroom. Shoutout specifically to the giant, over half empty bottle of soy sauce that's currently living on my floor, you win the most ridiculous item award.

In the past year I failed in my goal to not acquire more prints, because I'm the guy who likes to frame the prints I buy at conventions and not only am I running out of wall space, I just kind of want to buy less frames. So my strategy this time is that I'm simply starting to rotate out prints. It's kind of a weird feeling, since I think that all the art I've acquired over the years, whether digital or traditional, is inherently valuable. Like, I can't draw for shit, any kind of art is so impressive to me, whether it's a beautifully rendered digital piece that I bought a print of at a con, or the sketch of a hand that I received from the banker who helped me set up my account. Both pieces are really valuable to me.

Even I have to admit my collection has kinda aged with time though. I bought a print of Pidge from Voltron from one of the very first Comic Cons I ever went to, because Voltron was big and I wanted to try getting into it, and I just thought it was a cute art of Pidge. I didn't end up getting into Voltron (thank god lol), so she got retired. I had a print of the main cast of BNHA season 1 (I think Todoroki even had his original outfit yikes) but you don't see me looking back to that fandom, so it was retired. The smaller print I got of Tsuyu and Ochako at a later point can stay though just because the vibes are so cozy, it's what I bought it for, so it's what it can stay for.

It's been a different kind of feeling phasing out prints for fandoms that are closer in memory, though. One of my BSD prints bit the dust because I admittedly never loved the art even when I bought it, but it was my main fandom at the time and it was literally all the artist alley had. I bought it in like 2019 btw, I think that my past self would look at BSD being mainstream today and their head would explode. I have another one of one of the full-color illustrations from the manga that's stayed up for longer though, because I've always loved Harukawa35's art and still do. But I like to refer to BSD as my ex-wife whom I've bitterly divorced, so I admit that even Harukawa's art makes me feel pretty jaded now. It's not long for my wall. So too have two of my Persona 5 prints bitten the dust. They've been replaced with a new one from just this year, which is an adorable rendition of the month of November from in the game. I loved it for all the activities it depicts with the little chibi drawings, but ultimately I am a simple man and the fact that it has a little drawing for "honey, i'm home" day was what sold me. Old loves die hard, I suppose. I'm trying to come around to Persona 5 again, mostly since a good friend of mine has been on a Persona 3 kick recently and I'm trying to drag myself back to Persona in one way or another so I can hopefully play P3P or P3R and actually feel excited for it, but it's an uphill fight. Pray for me lol

To kind of conclude my thoughts on the prints thing though, I kind of want to find a way to re-home all of the prints that I don't necessarily want to display anymore, but some of the things that have aged out for me have also aged out for most people (i.e. Voltron, sort of BNHA). Still, I don't want the art to rot in the back of my closet for the rest of time. I guess it'll just be something in the back of my mind as I move forward. I have a lot to do this summer, both creatively and as a person, and I really am excited but for now... I rest.

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March 2024 Project(s) Status

2024-03-13T23:17:40Z

I've been pondering for the past couple of weeks what I want to do with this journal, since I'm already not the best at going out of my way to make personal posts on Tumblr. I've tried in the past, but I've never really been able to get in the habit. Emerging out of the woodworks with a meta post like twice a year is more my thing. But then I came up with an idea that I want to try where I use this journal as a way to keep track of my current fannish projects, since I feel like it would be nice to have. Also, it can be proof to myself that I do actually make contributions to the fandoms that I enjoy.

XiaoVen Poetry Gala One-Shot (Working Title: N/A)

I did in fact start this during that event itself and I'm just unbelievably late because College, but I really like what I've written and I want to see it through. The only thing I really have left to write is a sonnet that I want to have Venti perform in the context of the story. For some reason I decided to be the most extra person of all time and write the poetry for this fic myself instead of just finding one to use, but I feel like it'll feel very accomplishing to have written it myself even if it's a little bit amateurish.
If I had to give this a percentage, with the mental labor of poetry it's probably about 90% done. But alas, I am busy so the finish line is so far away

Chapter 7 of Talk the Stars (We'll Talk the Stars Down From the Sky and I'll Not Forget the Chaos in Your Eyes)

Talk the Stars is the multichapter XiaoVen fic that I started with my good friend Miki back in 2022, that we've been slowly working on for the past few years until the full force of college punched us (but mostly punched me) in the face. This fic is my baby but also God I always get out of hand when writing it.
Chapter 7 features Thoma as the POV character (there are a bunch of POVs aside from Xiao and Venti) and I've already made a lot of progress on it, I just have a problem where I write in a lot more detail than I need to and ended up burning myself out only about halfway through the chapter. These things are so damn long and maybe one day I'll concede to making cuts for pacing reasons, but also... it's a fanfiction and I can do whatever I want forever.
Talk the Stars will probably be my main summer priority, since we've sadly passed the one year mark since Miki uploaded chapter 6, and even though I know that it's okay for it to take a long time, I still feel guilty about it. Once the Poetry Gala fic is done, it's this fic or bust.
To give a generous percentage, I want it to be 50% done so badly, but realistically it's probably less.

Edits to Chapters 1 and 3 of Talk the Stars

After Sumeru trailers started dropping, Miki and I fell into the wretched trap of wanting to go back to edit the earlier chapters of the fic to make Nahida more of a character. However, I do stand by that choice, since Nahida's role heavily overlaps with the premise of the fic, which involves Venti talking to people in their dreams. That's the entire thing that Nahida does, Nahida just didn't exist when this fic was first conceptualized.
We haven't really discussed doing the same thing for Furina, but we might want to come up with a plan for later on for how Furina should exist in the story on account of her lore, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
The edits were also an excuse to write Venti and Nahida being friends, because you cannot convince me that Venti would not be excellent friends with both Nahida and Furina. He'd be like a supportive older brother or something.
I'd also place these edits at being around 50% done, but I haven't looked at them in a while and honestly just don't have a good sense of the scale any more.

TGCF Meta Analysis Essay (Working Title: Hualian, The Human Monolith, and The Mortifying Need to be Known)

So finishing TGCF absolutely exploded my brain and I wrote over 4,000 words by hand in a journal about how many of the character's arcs tied into this overarching theme of how human beings crave acknowledgement and understanding from others. It's one of those very human themes that a story can have that just makes me absolutely insane, so after writing so much... too much... I decided that I wanted to expand the parts I wrote about Hua Cheng and Xie Lian and expand them into a full essay.
The way that XL and HC work with the theme is fascinating because of the way that they both demonstrate so clearly what can become of a person when they experience that lack, while also fulfilling that need for each other once they come together. They are so romance, they are everything to me.
Surprisingly, XL's section has given me a lot more difficulty than HC's did. Like yes, I do have significantly more to say about him but he's also my preferred half of the pairing. I do feel like this is a bit of a trend for me though, as with xiaoven for example I can find it easier at times to analyze Xiao than Venti, but I think Venti has just been simmering in my brain for too long and it's made me lose the ability to have coherent thoughts about him lol. Maybe XL is becoming the same. Still, I'm excited to get more of my thoughts about him on the page, because his entire arc is so so fascinating (in all of its tragedy).
With only HC's section being complete, I'd say this is about 33% done, but it's the most accessible for me to write, so it's the one I feel that I'm making the most tangible progress on at the moment.

Neocities Website

Since I allowed my friend Hua (huafeihua) to cajole me into eventually joining their webring, they've been slowly but surely teaching me how to make a Neocities website, which I can use to host any fannish essays or fics that I write. It's also kind of a back up (like this) in case Tumblr goes kaput for good (which it probably will).
It's been fun to see progress get made so far but also I'm a total dunce when it comes to coding so said progress is a bit slow and agonizing. Still, once I'm a bit better at web design, I think things will start coming together really nicely. I have a few webpages so far, but nothing to really write home about yet.
Percentages are a lie, this project is likely eternal.

...I really do have too much on my plate. Sadly, schoolwork currently prevents me from working on most of these because I'm experiencing the torment of burnout, as is the price of being a student. I probably won't make these posts that often, since if I come back once a month with the same 5 projects, it'll defeat the purpose of the exercise, which is to make me feel better about my progress. So we'll just have to see how it goes.

Extra Ideas for the Future:

E-rated VenXiao one-shot
Multi-chapter fic about Scaramouche/Wanderer being raised as Inazuma's prince instead of being abandoned by Ei
Multi-chapter fic exploring the relationships between Diluc, Jean, and Eula and their upbringings in Mond's noble families

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Looking for a new home in these trying digital times

2024-02-27T18:34:25Z

Every website I've ever called home appears to be on the verge of collapse at the moment, so I'm exploring some new options. I can now be found on Bluesky (@/kanonavi.bsky.social) because my fandoms are unfortunately too new to have much of a following here, but since I've been influenced to have some older-fashioned sensibilities by certain lovely friends of mine, I wanted to give this place a try too. Looking forward to exploring Dreamwidth more going forward!

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